The Self Experiments
I like doing experiments on myself. It sounded a little weird... Let me assure you, no weird stuff. Things like trying not to eat or sleep as long as I can. Trying to sleep or get up at different times. Changing my routine… Just to see what would happen. To experience how it feels. Because I realized that I do some things without thinking, out of habit. I don't really know why I do those things the way I do them, or why I do them at all. This is important because, I don't want to be manipulated into doing or thinking something. I want everything I do or think to be out of my own free will. I want them to be mine. Because (I really need to learn another word that can be used instead of because) let's say I'm manipulated into doing something. If it's a good thing, I can't take credit for it, if it's a bad thing, more of a reason to take control.
I think we need to question everything. I’m not saying that we should only accept things that are logical or proven. I believe in some things that can never be proven. But we should know what we believe and why we believe them. It's not easy to distinguish between what is our opinion and what we have been led to believe. So we need to slow down and think why we do what we do. Maybe do the opposite of them for a while. Trying the opposite of eating and sleeping may seem extreme and unnecessary (alright, stupid!) , but you never know what you will discover. For me, those two were good experiences. They were fun and I have decided, without any doubt, that I needed both eating and sleeping. My mind is at ease. Both of them ended badly though.
After a good breakfast, I have decided not to eat or drink anything, except water. After an embarrassingly short time, 40 hours or so, I ate two portions of kebab in 10 minutes and had a terrible stomachache for the rest of the day. I could have lasted much longer actually, but I had no real motivations.
Trying to stay awake was a little bit more interesting. This time it was night. I was bored and didn't want to sleep, so I decided to stay awake as long as possible. It was more exciting also. Because a human being can live without eating for a long time, but as far as I know, one can die in several days without any sleep. There wasn't actually any real risk, considering my soft spot for sleeping. But it was still a risk. Anyway, I stayed awake through the night. It was very productive. I have finished every little work that I have (or had?) been delaying. By the morning I was feeling great. Just before noon however, I felt incredibly tired and it required an immense amount of effort to stay away from the bed. After a while it went away but it started getting difficult to concentrate. I was no longer able to study or read, so I started watching some TV series to pass the time. At midnight I had been awake for about 40 hours. Lifetime record. But it would have only taken 30 seconds for me to sleep on any surface. I was no longer able to focus on anything. Even watching TV was so exhausting. I don't remember how I got through those hours. At about 6 am, just before sunrise, I went outside and started walking the streets. It was the only thing that would keep me awake. I took a ferry from Uskudar to Besiktas and kept walking towards north along the seaside. It was a little chilly and that was helpful, at least it prevented me to fall asleep on a bank. And the day was Sunday so no one was around at that hour. Only me and the seagulls. Oh, and the fishermen and joggers. It was beautiful. Of course, I was in no condition to appreciate that at the moment, I was like a zombie. I passed the Bosphorus Bridge and kept walking. Before I arrived at the second bridge, I saw a very beautiful girl across the street. She was my age. She looked at me, smiled and stopped to cross the street. I just stood there, feeling blank. She finally came next to me and asked me the location of a cafe. She was a tourist. I didn't know the neighborhood well but I had seen the cafe she mentioned about 5 minutes ago. I knew what to say, but just couldn't decide which language to use. She spoke in Turkish, but it was obvious that she knew very little of it. I thought that I should use English. But what if she didn't know English? Then I would have been rude. My processing ability was very very slow and I don't know how long I waited before answering. But I'm sure that it was way longer than you would expect to hear an answer to your question before things get awkward. Anyway, she kept looking at me, smiling; while I struggled with myself. Finally, I think I spoke in Turkish, but like a foreigner. I don't really remember. It must have sounded really weird. She thanked me and left, and I resumed my walking. After I passed under the second bridge, I turned back. It was almost 48 hours. And I was feeling plain dumb. I just couldn't think anymore. On my way back, I saw a mosque and got inside. My intention was to just rest for a while. But the moment I laid down on the carpet I slept. I woke up 15 minutes later and tried to convince myself that I hadn't slept. But it was too late. The hard part was to get home after that. Now that I remembered what a sweet thing sleeping was, all I wanted was to sleep there. But I resisted the urge, the temptation. I have mustered all my strength and took a bus to Besiktas, then a ferry to Uskudar, then another bus to home. And slept for one and a half day…
There are other things that I would like to try. For example, I don't like the fact that we don't spend some time in the darkness anymore. We turn on the lights before the sunset and turn them off just before we go to sleep. I don't blame Tesla(!) for inventing the lamp, it’s our fault to misuse or overuse it. I believe every hour has its purpose. Days are meant for working and nights for resting. Isn’t sitting in the candlelight and having a nice conversation with the people you love just amazing? Listening to a calm music or reading a book…
(It doesn’t feel like the end of a post, but it is. Like other things that end, but don't feel like it. You never want them to end and can't believe it when they do. But such is life… The End)
I think we need to question everything. I’m not saying that we should only accept things that are logical or proven. I believe in some things that can never be proven. But we should know what we believe and why we believe them. It's not easy to distinguish between what is our opinion and what we have been led to believe. So we need to slow down and think why we do what we do. Maybe do the opposite of them for a while. Trying the opposite of eating and sleeping may seem extreme and unnecessary (alright, stupid!) , but you never know what you will discover. For me, those two were good experiences. They were fun and I have decided, without any doubt, that I needed both eating and sleeping. My mind is at ease. Both of them ended badly though.
After a good breakfast, I have decided not to eat or drink anything, except water. After an embarrassingly short time, 40 hours or so, I ate two portions of kebab in 10 minutes and had a terrible stomachache for the rest of the day. I could have lasted much longer actually, but I had no real motivations.
Trying to stay awake was a little bit more interesting. This time it was night. I was bored and didn't want to sleep, so I decided to stay awake as long as possible. It was more exciting also. Because a human being can live without eating for a long time, but as far as I know, one can die in several days without any sleep. There wasn't actually any real risk, considering my soft spot for sleeping. But it was still a risk. Anyway, I stayed awake through the night. It was very productive. I have finished every little work that I have (or had?) been delaying. By the morning I was feeling great. Just before noon however, I felt incredibly tired and it required an immense amount of effort to stay away from the bed. After a while it went away but it started getting difficult to concentrate. I was no longer able to study or read, so I started watching some TV series to pass the time. At midnight I had been awake for about 40 hours. Lifetime record. But it would have only taken 30 seconds for me to sleep on any surface. I was no longer able to focus on anything. Even watching TV was so exhausting. I don't remember how I got through those hours. At about 6 am, just before sunrise, I went outside and started walking the streets. It was the only thing that would keep me awake. I took a ferry from Uskudar to Besiktas and kept walking towards north along the seaside. It was a little chilly and that was helpful, at least it prevented me to fall asleep on a bank. And the day was Sunday so no one was around at that hour. Only me and the seagulls. Oh, and the fishermen and joggers. It was beautiful. Of course, I was in no condition to appreciate that at the moment, I was like a zombie. I passed the Bosphorus Bridge and kept walking. Before I arrived at the second bridge, I saw a very beautiful girl across the street. She was my age. She looked at me, smiled and stopped to cross the street. I just stood there, feeling blank. She finally came next to me and asked me the location of a cafe. She was a tourist. I didn't know the neighborhood well but I had seen the cafe she mentioned about 5 minutes ago. I knew what to say, but just couldn't decide which language to use. She spoke in Turkish, but it was obvious that she knew very little of it. I thought that I should use English. But what if she didn't know English? Then I would have been rude. My processing ability was very very slow and I don't know how long I waited before answering. But I'm sure that it was way longer than you would expect to hear an answer to your question before things get awkward. Anyway, she kept looking at me, smiling; while I struggled with myself. Finally, I think I spoke in Turkish, but like a foreigner. I don't really remember. It must have sounded really weird. She thanked me and left, and I resumed my walking. After I passed under the second bridge, I turned back. It was almost 48 hours. And I was feeling plain dumb. I just couldn't think anymore. On my way back, I saw a mosque and got inside. My intention was to just rest for a while. But the moment I laid down on the carpet I slept. I woke up 15 minutes later and tried to convince myself that I hadn't slept. But it was too late. The hard part was to get home after that. Now that I remembered what a sweet thing sleeping was, all I wanted was to sleep there. But I resisted the urge, the temptation. I have mustered all my strength and took a bus to Besiktas, then a ferry to Uskudar, then another bus to home. And slept for one and a half day…
There are other things that I would like to try. For example, I don't like the fact that we don't spend some time in the darkness anymore. We turn on the lights before the sunset and turn them off just before we go to sleep. I don't blame Tesla(!) for inventing the lamp, it’s our fault to misuse or overuse it. I believe every hour has its purpose. Days are meant for working and nights for resting. Isn’t sitting in the candlelight and having a nice conversation with the people you love just amazing? Listening to a calm music or reading a book…
(It doesn’t feel like the end of a post, but it is. Like other things that end, but don't feel like it. You never want them to end and can't believe it when they do. But such is life… The End)
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