Random Thoughts

You know how I say that I write these posts at night and half-asleep, well, I had just finished writing a long post about the girl I loved. I write on my phone and use a note taking app, so I selected everything that I've written and just when I was about to "copy", I accidentally pressed on another button and gone it was!  The only thing I can think of is that maybe I shouldn't write about her. Well, maybe... Anyway, it was a farewell, some memories, some explanations... It was going to be the last time that I mentioned her, but it wasn't meant to be...

I hope I haven't started to repeat myself. Since I've written all these half-asleep, it may well be the case. One day, I'll read everything from the beginning, to see what I've written so far, to see my mistakes, my progress and also to evaluate the year passed. Speaking from experience, I think it would be most interesting to read the things I expected from the future and the plans I made about it and how everything turned out (maybe another tense here?). ... I've lived my life as if I had unlimited time. I waste my time with the things I don't really care for, so if I were to die now, I would regret the way I had chosen to spend my time. But why can't I change it? Why can't I start making the choices that I won't regret? I think there's no reason, at all! But that does not make it easy. It is definitely not easy! It may even be the hardest thing in the world, if not impossible. To change the way you live, by yourself, without any "l...

Today our Japanese friends have organised a welcome party for us at the university dorm, where I will stay for the next school year. With a ceremony called "Mochitsuki" they prepared "Mochi" or "Japanese Rice Cake" which is simply made by first boiling the rice and then pounding on it with a big, wooden hammer-thing until it's gum-like. It's actually not easy to make, at all! Finally they turn it into small rice balls, add some sugar and serve. It was a bit sticky and hard to eat, but delicious. Also, I have used chopsticks for the first time in my life. All the Japanese people were like: "You never used chopsticks!?". Well, no. We've spoons and forks... and I don't enjoy inflicting pain on myself. However, I am most certain that I will spend a good deal of money to get an artistic looking set of chopsticks. They just look so cool! Though, I don't suppose I'll ever use them, like regularly. Anyway, it's been quite a...

Billions of people have lived and died since the first ones. What do we remember about them? Most of them are forgotten. Some, we remember as bad. And some, we remember as good. So is that the point in life? To be remembered as good? We may lead a good life, but there may be no one to remember us. Also, when we do good things, should we do them for others to acknowledge or do them because they were the right thing to do and not care about what others think or say. Do you ever think, while you're eating, why? Why do you eat? To stay alive... and do what? To exist until someday we do not? We study hard and work endless hours for... a better life. But it doesn't surprise us to hear a rich person who doesn't have to work at all to kill himself. He didn't have to do anything and saw no point and ended his life. And we don't hear the poor to commit suicide. They're too busy staying alive. So my conclusion is, we don't ask ourselves the "why" questio...

When I wake up tomorrow, I'll probably say the same thing: "Never again, should I stay awake to write a blog post!", but alas, even now I know that nothing will change. Nights are the only times that I can write and write, I must. The first time I started living abroad was in London and it took me just a little over two weeks to start getting used to my new life. But until then, my life was truly miserable. It was the first time that I had left home and... it was bad. The second time is now, in Japan. It's been 5 days. And this time, it took me 3 days to get past the initial shock and depression. This time it was short, but very intense. ... If I'm not asleep, say, after 1 am, I find it very hard to sleep until it's almost sunrise. This always made me think that we have a limited window of opportunity for some things and if we miss that, it may be too late. There may not be a second chance. So if you are planning to do or say something that you think ...

I'm really surprised at how unwilling people are to convince others to convert to their religions. Let's only talk about the religions with a notion of eternal afterlife. Now think of a person who believes in a set of rules and the idea that if you don't live your life according to those rules you would be punished for eternity. Won't you agree that this person would try very hard to obey those rules and make as much people around him as possible to obey them too? Otherwise he or those people would go to hell, the worst thing that could happen. I think, if a person like this doesn't warn other people when they do things against the set of rules that he believes in, there can only be two explanations: First, he himself doesn't really care about his religion. He's not sincere in his belief. Maybe he's doing the rituals out of habit or out of fear of his environment, the social pressure etc. Second, he doesn't really care much about the person to...

Everything about modern life makes me feel unimportant. As much as I would like to do, I'm not going to produce any conspiracy theories as to who would want people to feel this way. I just want to say that I haven't given up and I'm not going down without a good fight! I always tell myself that my actions have the utmost importance, the deciding power in any matter. If I don't like something about a company -be it the world view of its owner, the advertisements they make, their pricing policy etc.- I prefer another company. If it's serious, I boycott the company and all of its brands and products. I don't just stop buying their products, because that feels so passive. If the company's made me angry, I actively work against them. In my power, I do all I can to convince everyone around me to stop buying their products. I feel like if I buy their products or services I'm responsible for everything that I hate about that company, I made all those things p...

I have two parakeets, Çeri (Cherry) and Beri (Berry). They are the loveliest bird couple in the world! In the beginning, Çeri was alone and he was quite calm most of the time. Then we found Beri on the street. She was very hungry and thirsty and about to die. We took her in and put her in Çeri's cage. With our love and care she regained her strength and started to get out of the cage and discover the house. Çeri, on the other hand, eyed her suspiciously for two days. Then, suddenly, he started to follow her everywhere! It's really funny to watch, to be honest; but a bit embarrassing to see a male in this situation, even if it's a bird... (Çeri is the white-blue one by the way) Anyway, they're maybe the happiest creatures on Earth and that made me think. I refill their food and water when they're empty. If I don't, they will just die. They seem not to worry about this, but they really don't have any insurance about their future. There is simply no guara...

I wish I hadn't known what it was like to look into your eyes and see there my own reflection. ... When I first arrived in London for a language course seven months ago, everything I did in my first couple of days etched in my memory. My first train ticket at Heathrow, passengers on the train, the weather, people on the streets that I asked location to and the conversations that we had, the face of the lady who welcomed me to the house where I would stay and the taste of the espresso that she made for me and so on. It was my first trip abroad and I was going to stay for six months! Everything was great and interesting, but not for long... After the excitement and shock of these first days wore off, an extreme and terrible, really terrible homesickness came over me and I asked myself again and again, What am I doing here? Why, why did I leave my country, my home, my family? How am I going to hold on for six months? Six whole months! ...and so on. Fortunately, this changed...