Random Thoughts

Lost opportunities.... make me sad. Sometimes, you're not brave enough to act. You're afraid of some stupid reason or you overthink and miss it. Regret is what you get in return. Sometimes you do act, but other people get in the way. I feel so frustrated. Because it's gone. It wasn't my fault this time. I've learned my lesson the hard way. Others have to learn too, I guess. But the chance is gone. Lost. Nothing to do about it. Unless, a miracle happens... (This is as explicit as I could be in this matter, sorry...) ... The Cold Turkey - Update 2: On Sunday, I had successfully finished the first week of the cold turkey attempt. But I decided not to continue. One reason was that I thought I wouldn't survive the second week. The another was I wasn't able to come up with reasonable alternatives to spend my time. So I was ill-prepared in that sense. Lesson learned. Unfortunately, since Sunday, I have hit the rock bottom, had a couple thousand change of hea...

Oh my God! Until today, if you had come to me and told that I would be sharing a video of myself speaking in English, I would have just laughed (I have serious doubts about the grammar here). No way! But, here we are. I think what made me do this is the presentation I did with a classmate three days ago. We recorded ourselves and watched afterwards to see how we did. I realized that I spoke slowly and I hesitated a lot and made thinking noises between words-sentences more than it's supposed to be. So I decided to work on my speaking a bit more seriously. So here it is: Update: I have deleted the video, because I was too embarrassed. Sorry...

Let's say you feel like a five, yes the number. It's not about your possessions, I have no interest in that whatsoever; it's your quality as a person. It's still not clear, but bear with me. So you're a five. And you know that you are not at your full capacity. If you do all the good things that you think you should do and stop doing all the bad ones, you know that you can be a ten. And twenty is the limit of how good a person could be, beyond which is unfathomable, unimaginable, unthinkable... And then, she enters into your life. And suddenly hundreds, thousands and millions become a possibility. ... The Cold Turkey Update:  Well, it's been hard, the last five days. Really, extremely hard. Monday was, by far, the worst. I just sat on my chair, paralysed to do anything else, and fought many battles inside my head whether to stop this nonsense or not. I was loosing. So the next two days, I just walked around the streets until my feet were numb. And when I c...

There was no apparent reason for my heart to start pounding at 4 am other than the intent to listen to the birds in the garden. I wonder when it's going to stop, the pounding. I would never wish for a bird's singing to stop. I can't breathe. The lightweight quilt crashes my bones. The thin piece of fabric I wear burns. And my heart aches. Why am I thinking about her? It's cold now. The birds stopped singing. And the sun is rising. And I'm sinking into dreams. I can finally sleep.

An imaginary meal at a restaurant So my dad and mum came to visit me for the weekend. I took them to a restaurant for dinner where the staff forgot to bring my dad a fork and knife , so we asked for a new pair. It took them a while to bring it, so he decided that this was a bad restaurant. I, on the other hand, thought that deciding on the quality of a restaurant shouldn't be so simple, so I told him that this was not a white and black issue, that it was more complicated. Anyway, we left the restaurant after we finished our meals and in the car continued the discussion. My dad argued that later or sooner they would run out of business because of poor service; while my mother, after carefully considering all the cons and pros , thought that, large and by , they were okay. There was a car accident, so the traffic was bad, but we got home sound and safe and had a cup of tea. I can't continue anymore. So weird... And in case you're wondering why I did something like...

I'm going cold turkey on (...) I'm sorry, I'm not going to tell you what it is. At least not yet. Because, when you decide to do something and then tell people about it before actually doing it, you lose the motivation. So this is one of my principles in life: I keep my mouth closed about my plans. Terms and conditions may apply. What I'm doing by telling you about this is actually for motivation. I'll tell you what it is in two weeks and whether I succeeded or not. So stay tuned! While going cold turkey might potentially be the most effective way of getting rid of a bad habit, it has its issues. The most obvious one being withdrawal. Also it takes a lot of effort, courage, determination and motivation. So it's an extremely fragile period. And if you fail, there is a chance of losing self-respect. Like you have no power, no control... You might let yourself go. Surrender. It's a risky business, going cold turkey... But I'm willing to take the risks...

It's high time that I wrote something! The realization that you're not as interesting as you thought you were is a bit hard to digest. It's been twelve posts so far, and that was all I could come up with. Couple thousand words... After 24 years of life experience... Well, I seek solace in the following idea: it is the quality that matters. ... Whatever you believe, I think it all comes down to your behavior towards others. Your social side... Are you a kind person? Do you help other people when they need it? Do you try to stop an injustice or do you just turn your back/close your eyes? Do you encourage people to do good things or do you cause them to do bad ones? As far as I know, the idea of God is that He (doesn't refer to gender) is all-powerful. He doesn't need anything that you or I do. He can end all the injustice, hunger, misery etc. in the blink of an eye. But it doesn't work that way. We're the ones who should do something. Because all of thes...

1) What happened to the male singers? Most of them sound like women! 2) And ladies... You can have your clothes on when you're singing. 3) And can someone please tell me, where are all the instruments? The above is my impression of current popular music after taking a look at "Most Viewed Videos" in YouTube and "Global Top 50" in Spotify. I figured these would give me an accurate picture. If I may add some comments: 3) Colours and preferences. No point in arguing. Seriously though, other than the occasional piano, where did all the instruments go? 1) Plain disgraceful. Please, stop doing it. 2) I actually thought that some female singers had amazing voices. Just mesmerising... But seeing them half-naked is a turnoff. No, nothing's wrong with me! They attract my attention alright, but lose my respect. I can't help but think "what if this woman was my wife, or sister, or daughter, or mother etc." Would I want hundreds of millions of...