Random Thoughts

Don't you love it when you see someone on the public transport trying to read someone else's newspaper on the sly? I do. It makes me laugh. All those manners... No-one wants to get caught doing it, as if it was the ultimate crime. ... It's way past midnight. The window is open. Apparently there is another one somewhere in the house, because the curtain flies frantically. And the room is a bit chilly. I was sleeping actually. I woke up, partly because of the cold and partly because the annoying sound that the curtain makes every now and then. Each time I hear it, I decide, 'alright, the next time I hear it I'll get up and close the window', and start waiting for it. But then I don't hear it. The sound stops. Just when I relieve myself of this stupid sound-hunting quest, and say to myself, 'nevermind, I'll just go to sleep', I hear the infernal sound again. And the whole process repeats. ... Why do we use the verb 'to go' for sleep?...

I think I want this blog to be good and my posts beautiful and that holds me back. You'd think that this would increase the quality of the blog, but no. I think it kills the creativity. We need more spontaneity here. Yes, that's what we need. And who needs a topic anyway? Hundreds of millions of people walk pass each other every day and they don't even look at each other's faces. I always think about some far-fetched, distopian, sci-fi type scenarios. Like you were alone on the Earth or another planet for a long long time and at last you saw this person from afar! What would your reaction be? Wouldn't you just run to him and give him a big hug? I know I would. Then why we don't feel that way about each other? Because there're people everywhere. And when we have something for a while, we tend to take it for granted. That's our nature I guess. We don't think about it, don't think how life would be if we didn't have it. So maybe all those acci...

Is it possible to feel longing for a place that you have never been to or know nothing about? Can you miss something like that? For a very long time, I don't even remember the beginning of it, I have been longing for a place or a thing or a person... I don't even know what it is. It doesn't seem plausible to me, missing something you don't know. I think you have to experience something first in order to miss it. I have some very nice memories in some places. And I feel sad when I remember those memories, because the places in my memories are far away now. And some people... When their memories suddenly decide to fill my mind, I smile involuntarily, even loudly sometimes. Then the sadness takes over. Because they are away too. And miles aren't the only distance that separates us... The happiest man has the potential to become the saddest of us all. Beyond all these, I miss something else, strongly... What have I experienced before that was so perfect, that I ...

Lost opportunities.... make me sad. Sometimes, you're not brave enough to act. You're afraid of some stupid reason or you overthink and miss it. Regret is what you get in return. Sometimes you do act, but other people get in the way. I feel so frustrated. Because it's gone. It wasn't my fault this time. I've learned my lesson the hard way. Others have to learn too, I guess. But the chance is gone. Lost. Nothing to do about it. Unless, a miracle happens... (This is as explicit as I could be in this matter, sorry...) ... The Cold Turkey - Update 2: On Sunday, I had successfully finished the first week of the cold turkey attempt. But I decided not to continue. One reason was that I thought I wouldn't survive the second week. The another was I wasn't able to come up with reasonable alternatives to spend my time. So I was ill-prepared in that sense. Lesson learned. Unfortunately, since Sunday, I have hit the rock bottom, had a couple thousand change of hea...

Oh my God! Until today, if you had come to me and told that I would be sharing a video of myself speaking in English, I would have just laughed (I have serious doubts about the grammar here). No way! But, here we are. I think what made me do this is the presentation I did with a classmate three days ago. We recorded ourselves and watched afterwards to see how we did. I realized that I spoke slowly and I hesitated a lot and made thinking noises between words-sentences more than it's supposed to be. So I decided to work on my speaking a bit more seriously. So here it is: Update: I have deleted the video, because I was too embarrassed. Sorry...

Let's say you feel like a five, yes the number. It's not about your possessions, I have no interest in that whatsoever; it's your quality as a person. It's still not clear, but bear with me. So you're a five. And you know that you are not at your full capacity. If you do all the good things that you think you should do and stop doing all the bad ones, you know that you can be a ten. And twenty is the limit of how good a person could be, beyond which is unfathomable, unimaginable, unthinkable... And then, she enters into your life. And suddenly hundreds, thousands and millions become a possibility. ... The Cold Turkey Update:  Well, it's been hard, the last five days. Really, extremely hard. Monday was, by far, the worst. I just sat on my chair, paralysed to do anything else, and fought many battles inside my head whether to stop this nonsense or not. I was loosing. So the next two days, I just walked around the streets until my feet were numb. And when I c...

There was no apparent reason for my heart to start pounding at 4 am other than the intent to listen to the birds in the garden. I wonder when it's going to stop, the pounding. I would never wish for a bird's singing to stop. I can't breathe. The lightweight quilt crashes my bones. The thin piece of fabric I wear burns. And my heart aches. Why am I thinking about her? It's cold now. The birds stopped singing. And the sun is rising. And I'm sinking into dreams. I can finally sleep.